After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When by Janis A. Spring

By Janis A. Spring

“Dr. Spring possesses a notable mix of readability, knowledge, spirit, and middle. this can be an exceptionally necessary and therapeutic book—a present to us all.”
—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., writer of The Dance of Anger

“It is ‘must’ examining for any couple who has skilled the violation of belief due to an affair.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

A incredible variety of in America—about 70 percent—have been stricken by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the one e-book to provide confirmed thoughts for surviving the concern and rebuilding the connection. Written through Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally recognized therapist and said specialist on infidelity, this revised and up-to-date model brings the groundbreaking vintage into the twenty first century, with a brand new part facing on-line affairs in our on-line world. for ladies who're suffering of their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology teachers and readers eager about of well known psychology—this newly revised and up to date variation of After the Affair is key interpreting.

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Additional resources for After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (2nd Edition)

Sample text

However, we can hope that she is aware of residual unresolved conflicts and is able to work around them. For years I have seen trainees give themselves such a hard time over the personality conflicts which they have uncovered during training. Often the trainee makes her task impossible by imagining that each personal conflict which surfaces must be surmounted and worked through or she will not be able to become a good counsellor. Sometimes these personality conflicts then become so feared that the trainee finds it difficult to deal with them openly in the training contexts which are explicitly designed to help her to work with such difficulties.

This was such a pervasive problem that it threatened to terminate his training and yet no hint of it had surfaced in three years of prior and current therapy. Similar was the male trainee who found that he could relate perfectly adequately with women at a superficial level but was deeply misogynistic at more intimate levels of relating. Once again, this had never emerged in his lengthy period of therapy with a male therapist. Another trainee became rigidly ego syntonic when put under the slightest threat or criticism in relationship.

Growth is not a unitary phenomenon – rather, it involves a process of balancing opposite forces and gradually reconfiguring that balance. The process of growth includes both a forward moving pressure to elaborate, diversify and seek more stimulation, and also a restraining influence which cautions against a pace of movement that can risk security. Our car is moved more skilfully if we can have access to both the throttle and the brakes – both are part of the moving process. This ‘dialectical’ process whereby a balance is achieved by the action of opposite forces is common in nature, for it offers a more sophisticated ‘dual control’ system.

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